“Real You. Real Success”
Neurological studies show that the human brain is hard-wired while in the mother’s womb and after birth as the developing brain responds to the mother’s feelings and actions and other elements of the external environment. With a peaceful pregnancy and a nurturing loving family, we can grow up to be nurturing and loving to Self and to others. Often, though, parents don’t know what they’re doing and we learn how to navigate the world by watching the messiness of those around us.
The brain is also wired to recognize physical and emotional pain, record it to memory, and make every attempt to avoid that pain again. This organization of memory works well with hot stoves and lions but it gets in the way of day-to-day living by putting us into panic and avoidance when the current experience has nothing to do with hot stoves or lions.
Many people don’t choose to have children but we all have parents or someone who raised us. So, whether you have raised children or not, we can still talk about the effects from those who raised us.
It’s not a perfect world, not every parent is full of wisdom on child rearing. I’ve met more confused parents than those who really believe they know what they’re doing. We have children and then we respond to them the way we were wired from the womb and from our experiences growing up. We’re surprised at what we thought we knew about how it would look and then our kids surprise us with questions we can’t answer, broken bones, or illnesses we can’t repair. Our frustrations seep into the room as we react to our fears and insecurities. We all do this, no matter how much we intend it to be sunshine and butterflies.
Sometimes we try so hard to do things differently than our parents and we still end up puzzled at the outcomes. Those who parent in direct response to their difficult childhoods often unconsciously train their children to survive in similar ways or completely miss important details to help their kids get ready for the real world. Adult children of narcissistic parents often raise children who don’t know how to nurture. Others who were children of angry parents rarely raise their voice to their kids and those kids don’t know how to handle the ups and downs of the real world. Some who had parents who were absent or didn’t provide enough love then overindulge their children and raise children who believe the world does revolve around them because the parents were afraid of being too hard. Many parents overcompensate as they focus on what they believe was missing from their childhood or what they believe is wrong with themselves. No matter what, most adults have something or other they wish their parents would have done differently and have formed patterns of behavior and beliefs they wish they could change but don’t know how. Either way, we all walk out into the world as adults wishing for something to be different and find ourselves wondering why it’s just not what we hoped for.
If there is a way of being, a learned response or reaction you wish to change, a style of behavior or interpretation you would like to tweak, “Real You. Real Success” is for you. It’s designed to help redesign these patterns and often unconscious habits we’ve learned along the way. I use this process every day to continually check in on how I’m being human and not perfect. I’ve coached hundreds of others to use this system and we’ve all seen results. If you have the journey down perfectly, then maybe this is something you can use to help others to find their Real Self. But Really—don’t EVEN try to tell me you’ve got it all down and perfect and that you are Real and perfect all the time!