(thebody remembers) (age 0 – …)

 In Introspective, Memory, Trauma & Resilience

           “…you listen to ME do that MY way!
               don't YOU argue with me!
                                 don’t YOU look
                                         at me that way…
            LISTEN TO ME!”




What you
do
not
know




I         AM         listening.

                                every finger in my face
                                every furrow in your brow
                                every hand raised up above my small body
                                every escalation in your tone,
                                the strength force in your inflection

makes
me
listen
      as my heart
          begins to
              blow OUT of my chest. 
NO! you see this you willknowmybrokennesshowcanyou love me then?
What you
do
not
know
is that with each wave of your

             clear
             and explicit imperative

I             AM            listening!

for the
precise
moment
when and where I will

die
(what will I miss?)(what will I never see?)(what DIDN’T I GET?????????)
             Each time you make sure I know I am wrong
I prepare for my death.

             You kill me each time
             with.words.
             correctme
             hateme
             violate me pound words into my heartchestbrainthroatlegsknockingmedownagain
             and
                again
                    and
                       again.and.again.and.again.and.again.and.again
                      “IFONLYYOUHADNTSAIDTHATIWOULDNTHAVE
                       HITYOUTHROWNYOUAGAINSTTHEWALL

                       KICKEDYOUOUTTOLDYOUINEVERWANTEDTOSEEYOUAGAIN
                       SOMEONEELSECANDEALWITHYOU

                       PUT MY HANDS AROUND YOUR THROAT

                       YOUUGLYBIGFATLOOKATYOURBONESHOWBIGYOUARE
                       AREN’TYOUEMBARRASSEDTOBEYOU?WHAT’S WRONG

                                      WITH                                                                                                                  YOU

                     STOP 

                     CRYING!
                       I’llgiveyousomethingtocry
                                               about!                                                                 
                       IF.YOU’D.JUST.STAY.           QUIET!

 

Oh, I hear you.

I await my death from you. My death over and over haunts me since 0 to ...
I live small in the corner you backed me into so              long        ago.
I am invisible maybe
so this time
I won’t die
and tomorrow maybe
you will know how to love me
And I will live in your love.
I dream. someday. please. maybe.

But today
I wait to die by you.
I wait to die by you and
die by you and you and you and you  . . .

 

 

 

 

Recent Posts

Leave a Comment

Contact

Please don't hesitate to reach out. Dr. Wise will respond to emails within 48 hours.

Not readable? Change text.

Start typing and press Enter to search